To maternity, and beyond...

[mamagotcha]

Via copperwise, this sad diatribe that will get far more attention than it deserves because of the writer's parentage instead of saying anything actually intelligent or groundbreaking.

Poor girl has it all bassackwards. Feminism isn't about being childless. Nor is the secret of happiness, as she seems to assert, about popping out a descendant and feeling all smug about it. It's about having the support to figure out who you are, and the freedom to pursue the dreams that you have.

It's sad that she doesn't have a good relationship with her mother. This little airing of grievances isn't likely to mend any fences, either.

I was in a similar boat to Rebecca, although certainly not as public: a feminist mom who worked while others raised her children. I grew up being told that the first child should be disposable (it was supposed to be a witty comment about her mistakes learning to be a mom, but that's never what it sounded like to me — funny, that).

I bought into the whole have-a-career-and-kids-simultaneously concept, until I realized that nobody was going to do as good a job raising my baby as I was, because nobody... no matter how much I paid them, no matter how great a childcare provider they were... absolutely nobody cared as much about my kid as I did. Poor Cordell did have to suffer through my mistakes (and I certainly made a lot), but I did my best to learn from them.

Alice was right on about motherhood being servitude; there is no more demanding taskmaster than an infant. However, there's a huge difference between caring for an unwanted child from an unchosen pregnancy, and consciously conceiving a child with intention and anticipation. The circumstances of Rebecca's arrival were glossed over... I have to wonder whether Alice's pregnancy intended and wanted.

Rebecca seems unhappy about her abortion... but did anyone promise her that abortion had no consequences? I missed that memo. Abortion is a choice... but it can be a very difficult and painful choice. When I do doula work, I still feel incredibly honored and thrilled to be present at a birth, and there's always a little sadness when I see L&D nurses who treat a baby's arrival as an everyday occurrence... I hope I never become immune to the joy of birth. On the flip side, an abortion is a sad ending, even if the woman truly believes it is the very best choice for her. I've been asked to assist at several of these terminations, and I hope that it never becomes just a procedure.

I have more thoughts about this, but there's still a lot of house to be cleaned before it goes onto the market (this weekend, eek! And another house down the street went up yesterday... that will be FOUR homes for sale on that block. More eek!). Still.... wanted to share this with you all, and am curious to hear further thoughts from the brilliant members of my flist.

Comments

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

There are issues beneath issues, wrapped around issues here. I'd sure want to hear Alice's point of view.

And I don't know where she got a lot of her ideas about feminists (abortion has no consequences? I missed that memo, too), but she must have acquired them in her father's conservative, wealthy home, because they sure weren't around me and my middle-to-lower-middle class and poor "sisters".

I'm glad she's happy being a mum. I am, too. But the whole article reeked of her defending herself to her mother and of someone else's agenda of discrediting Alice Waters on some level. Odd read.

[lauradi7.livejournal.com]

It has been discussed on other people's blogs. A point someone made was that Rebecca's early image of feminists might be based on Alice's friends, who may well have had the same opinions as Alice - I think AW is a wonderful writer but she's made some unfortunate life choices and I don't get the impression that she would surround herself with people who disagree with her much. Still,
an interesting contrast would be to read some of AW's stuff about her own mother. The one that stands out in my mind is a story of the two of them going to visit Flannery O'Connor's home. AW was finding racism everywhere she looked and was scornful of O'Connor's Christian themes. Her mom was more interested in the garden by the house, and was supportive of the Christian ideas. AW & mom seemed on good terms despite the disagreements, though.

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

I bought into the whole have-a-career-and-kids-simultaneously concept, until I realized that nobody was going to do as good a job raising my baby as I was, because nobody... no matter how much I paid them, no matter how great a childcare provider they were... absolutely nobody cared as much about my kid as I did.

Ideally, though, there should be at least one other person who cares that much about your kid: the kid's other parent. And, well, kids and parents need to eat, so unless you have an independent income source, SOMEONE needs to be away enough to work, etc.

My husband turned out to be a better full-time parent than I would be (and it literally makes no economic sense for him to work), and I had the educational background and skill set to find a better-paying job than anything he could. (Not that anyone in my field should be doing it for the money, but...see above, people need to eat.) I don't think that means I care ABOUT Alex or new-bit-to-be any less.

[cheesepuppet.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'm surprised (and disappointed) that people aren't more willing to accept that Alice Walker might have a lot of issues.

[jillcook.livejournal.com]

From this short article, it seems to me that Rebecca had a very sad, lonely and confusing childhood. Being her mother's daughter has given her a warped sense of what 'feminism' means. My own mother was a stay at home mom to me and my sisters, and I have always had the feeling that she did it by choice, not because she couldn't do anything 'better' with herself. She has encouraged all her daughters to go to school so that we would have options, and her gentle support held me up when life was hard for me in the Army, and later in college, but now that I am a stay at home mom too, I know she is proud of me in this role as well. I learned from her that no one role will ever define me. I am many things, and the blend of them all makes me the whole woman I am today. Rebecca Walker has never had that kind of support from her own mother so I can't judge her for writing this anti-Alice piece. I only feel sorry for her.

[via-lens.livejournal.com]

I am always uncomfortable when someone decides to use a national (global, really) platform in which to confront deep familial issues. I have no doubt her childhood was hard. I also have no doubt that Alice Walker is not all things to all women, and that she is not necessarily the perfect role model for feminism. She is a particular woman from a particular place and time, and she is eloquent on the subject of what she derived from those experiences.

That said, I've always believed that once a person went down the road that said feminism was equal to doing things like a man and not doing things that only women can do, that person had completely missed the point.

But such opinions are also the reason I am loath to call myself a "feminist" by any commonly-accepted definition of the word.