To maternity, and beyond...

[mamagotcha]

Via copperwise, this sad diatribe that will get far more attention than it deserves because of the writer's parentage instead of saying anything actually intelligent or groundbreaking.

Poor girl has it all bassackwards. Feminism isn't about being childless. Nor is the secret of happiness, as she seems to assert, about popping out a descendant and feeling all smug about it. It's about having the support to figure out who you are, and the freedom to pursue the dreams that you have.

It's sad that she doesn't have a good relationship with her mother. This little airing of grievances isn't likely to mend any fences, either.

I was in a similar boat to Rebecca, although certainly not as public: a feminist mom who worked while others raised her children. I grew up being told that the first child should be disposable (it was supposed to be a witty comment about her mistakes learning to be a mom, but that's never what it sounded like to me — funny, that).

I bought into the whole have-a-career-and-kids-simultaneously concept, until I realized that nobody was going to do as good a job raising my baby as I was, because nobody... no matter how much I paid them, no matter how great a childcare provider they were... absolutely nobody cared as much about my kid as I did. Poor Cordell did have to suffer through my mistakes (and I certainly made a lot), but I did my best to learn from them.

Alice was right on about motherhood being servitude; there is no more demanding taskmaster than an infant. However, there's a huge difference between caring for an unwanted child from an unchosen pregnancy, and consciously conceiving a child with intention and anticipation. The circumstances of Rebecca's arrival were glossed over... I have to wonder whether Alice's pregnancy intended and wanted.

Rebecca seems unhappy about her abortion... but did anyone promise her that abortion had no consequences? I missed that memo. Abortion is a choice... but it can be a very difficult and painful choice. When I do doula work, I still feel incredibly honored and thrilled to be present at a birth, and there's always a little sadness when I see L&D nurses who treat a baby's arrival as an everyday occurrence... I hope I never become immune to the joy of birth. On the flip side, an abortion is a sad ending, even if the woman truly believes it is the very best choice for her. I've been asked to assist at several of these terminations, and I hope that it never becomes just a procedure.

I have more thoughts about this, but there's still a lot of house to be cleaned before it goes onto the market (this weekend, eek! And another house down the street went up yesterday... that will be FOUR homes for sale on that block. More eek!). Still.... wanted to share this with you all, and am curious to hear further thoughts from the brilliant members of my flist.

Comments

[via-lens.livejournal.com]

I am always uncomfortable when someone decides to use a national (global, really) platform in which to confront deep familial issues. I have no doubt her childhood was hard. I also have no doubt that Alice Walker is not all things to all women, and that she is not necessarily the perfect role model for feminism. She is a particular woman from a particular place and time, and she is eloquent on the subject of what she derived from those experiences.

That said, I've always believed that once a person went down the road that said feminism was equal to doing things like a man and not doing things that only women can do, that person had completely missed the point.

But such opinions are also the reason I am loath to call myself a "feminist" by any commonly-accepted definition of the word.