(no subject)
Feb. 9th, 2005 10:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamagotchai'm gonna start following derf's lead and report on the movies i've been watching. tonight was terry zwigoff's strange little "ghost world," with thora birch playing julia... erm, i mean, enid. i read the comic book a long time ago, and i wish i had it on hand to flip through and compare to the movie. a well-crafted feature, but a bit unsatisfying in the end.
the best part was that lincoln nursed to sleep about halfway through, and i got to snuggle him while he snoozed. he is just so beautiful to me, and i got to thinking about how much sheer labor it is to take care of another human being. of course he's worth it, and i know this part is only temporary, but wow... i don't get to go to the bathroom or brush my teeth or drink some water unless i know where he is and if he's ok. there must be some serious hormonal and instinctual mojo going on because if anyone else made those kinds of demands of me, i'd be pretty resentful in a short time.
which begs the question: how do adoptive moms do it? how do they turn on the "take care of this little helpless being to the exclusion of your own wellbeing" button without the birth to trigger it? i know the whole bonding thing gets messed up with surgically delivered moms... or even moms who have had partial anesthesia... so how does a complete stranger manage it? maybe i'm just not the maternal kind... i mean, i can take care of my own because i'm programmed like that, but i'm not the mother hen you can slip an extra couple of eggs under.
i don't especially like kids. i know, that's very strange to hear from someone who has pumped out four of the little beasties, but it's true. i always wonder about folks who say "i love children!" to me, that's like saying "I love 30-year-olds!" it's just a person... maybe a little one, maybe a bigger one. some kids are cool and we get along fine. some 30-year-olds are a pain and i can't wait until the door shuts behind 'em.
witnessing megan's debate about whether she's gonna have a kiddo herself makes me wonder... if i'd thought hard about it, if i'd had even an inkling of the amount of work and resources and priority shifting a kid takes... well, suffice to say there's no chance in hell i'd have ever had one. i would have never believed myself capable of falling so deeply and completely in love with this totally helpless little person, being so willing to take care of all the ickiness that comes with the package. so i suppose it's a good thing i was the first in my crowd to have a kid (i was 25). i didn't know ANYONE else with a kid, except some folks i'd met in college who had older children. i didn't do much research... i just assumed i'd be able to handle it. HA! if i knew then what i know now... i wouldn't have ever started on this path. but i did...
and this time, i did it with eyes wide open. i have a couple kids almost out of the nest already (cordell turns 17 tomorrow)... it is fair to say that i have a good idea of what's involved. the difference now is, i DO know what i'm in for... and i've done my research, i've learned a few things, and i actually feel fairly confident and certain that i've made some good choices and decisions. i've made some mistakes, sure, but nothing fatal. my kids are cool people, and despite the hard work and lack of money and things i've missed out on... well, all i can say is "it was worth it."
the best part was that lincoln nursed to sleep about halfway through, and i got to snuggle him while he snoozed. he is just so beautiful to me, and i got to thinking about how much sheer labor it is to take care of another human being. of course he's worth it, and i know this part is only temporary, but wow... i don't get to go to the bathroom or brush my teeth or drink some water unless i know where he is and if he's ok. there must be some serious hormonal and instinctual mojo going on because if anyone else made those kinds of demands of me, i'd be pretty resentful in a short time.
which begs the question: how do adoptive moms do it? how do they turn on the "take care of this little helpless being to the exclusion of your own wellbeing" button without the birth to trigger it? i know the whole bonding thing gets messed up with surgically delivered moms... or even moms who have had partial anesthesia... so how does a complete stranger manage it? maybe i'm just not the maternal kind... i mean, i can take care of my own because i'm programmed like that, but i'm not the mother hen you can slip an extra couple of eggs under.
i don't especially like kids. i know, that's very strange to hear from someone who has pumped out four of the little beasties, but it's true. i always wonder about folks who say "i love children!" to me, that's like saying "I love 30-year-olds!" it's just a person... maybe a little one, maybe a bigger one. some kids are cool and we get along fine. some 30-year-olds are a pain and i can't wait until the door shuts behind 'em.
witnessing megan's debate about whether she's gonna have a kiddo herself makes me wonder... if i'd thought hard about it, if i'd had even an inkling of the amount of work and resources and priority shifting a kid takes... well, suffice to say there's no chance in hell i'd have ever had one. i would have never believed myself capable of falling so deeply and completely in love with this totally helpless little person, being so willing to take care of all the ickiness that comes with the package. so i suppose it's a good thing i was the first in my crowd to have a kid (i was 25). i didn't know ANYONE else with a kid, except some folks i'd met in college who had older children. i didn't do much research... i just assumed i'd be able to handle it. HA! if i knew then what i know now... i wouldn't have ever started on this path. but i did...
and this time, i did it with eyes wide open. i have a couple kids almost out of the nest already (cordell turns 17 tomorrow)... it is fair to say that i have a good idea of what's involved. the difference now is, i DO know what i'm in for... and i've done my research, i've learned a few things, and i actually feel fairly confident and certain that i've made some good choices and decisions. i've made some mistakes, sure, but nothing fatal. my kids are cool people, and despite the hard work and lack of money and things i've missed out on... well, all i can say is "it was worth it."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
hi
Date: 2005-02-10 05:59 pm (UTC)Re: hi
Date: 2005-02-10 08:55 pm (UTC)keep digging around! you'll find it! it's not friends-locked or anything...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-10 09:39 pm (UTC)I just wonder if it isn't smarter to get all my kid fixes by borrowing other people's kids? Its not the work or sacrifice that scares me either, i dunno. its very weird.
I'm glad you like your kids, though. Even when they are being snotty teenagers.
(My ballet teacher used to yell at us: 'You're acting like teenagers. Get over it.' Always drove me nuts. i mean, we were teenagers. But i kind of get it, too.)