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mamagotchaSo Clay is off to Mexico, starting a 3-week (or longer) sailboat odyssey with one of my oldest friends, Jean, and her sweetie Dave (who was also a neighbor of mine when I was 8), on the two-masted ketch Exit Strategy (they keep a sailblog, in case you're curious).
I took him to the airport last night, and sniffled all the way home. He's grown so fast and so much in these last couple of years, but I still remember the sweet little boy who would snuggle in my lap for stories. Now he's off on his own big adventure. Then it occurred to me... I helped make this happen.
There have been a few times in my mothering career where I've just really moved hard and fast to take advantage of an opportunity for my kids. I heard about something and immediately I saw, in my heart, that it was something that kid NEEDED to be doing, and it was my job to facilitate it. It didn't happen too often... as a rule, my philosophy of homeschooling is more "get out of their way"... but when it did, I worked quick. And Clay's trip to Baja was one of those times.
Up until last week, I was feeling that this was going to be a Great Summer Adventure for him. Then... I read about Abby Sunderland, the 16-year-old girl who was circumnavigating solo, who was rescued after a day after setting off her distress signals. I wondered if we were going to see another Jessica Dubroff-style media frenzy (Jessica was a seven-year-old homeschooler attempting a cross-country tour who died when the plane she was piloting crashed... her teacher was blamed for pushing the take-off in bad weather to meet media pressure), but Abby was at least found alive, thank goodness. It turns out that Abby's parents had ties to some reality show deal, which brings up questions about her (and her parents') motivations, and the price of our culture's insatiable appetite for vicarious experiences.
On the one hand, I firmly believe that age shouldn't be a barrier to adventure and achievement. If a person has the ability and resources to attempt to reach a goal, then more power to them. But there is a widespread public perception of these kids being pushed by their parents (and, in Jessica's case, her teacher) and the media to go beyond their abilities in order to become the youngest pilot or sailor or whatever... and homeschoolers in particular are sometimes accused of a desire to push their kids to reflect well on the parents' commitment to alternative education; perhaps not as insidious a charge, but still a disturbing thought.
While I certainly don't think Clay will be in terrible danger, there's no denying that he is going to be cutting his nautical teeth on a pretty big project. All three crew members will be totally dependent on each other for their lives out there, and I'm trusting that he's got the maturity and ability to be responsible not only for himself, but for my friends and their beautiful boat. This isn't some tame sailing class out in Bodega Bay... he's doing the Baja Bash, a 750-mile "uphill" run notorious for rough water and difficult sailing.
I started to wonder about my own motivations here. Am I pushing Clay into something over his head, for bragging purposes, to show off what a great homeschooling family we are? But after I sat down with it for a while... I have to honestly answer, "no." I myself know next to nothing about sailing, and my two friends are serious pros. Not only are they both long-time sailors with great records, they both have long prior careers that were also very disciplined and safety-oriented (she was career military overseas, he was a commercial airline pilot). They posted to FaceBook about looking for a third crewmember for this leg of their trip, and I suggested the idea to Clay (who has always loved being in water in all forms)... he immediately jumped at it. When I broached the idea with my friends, however, they were both initially mildly negative about the idea, which was entirely understandable, what with him being so inexperienced. But after asking a lot of questions, and being very honest with Clay about what the trip was going to be like, the probable hardships ahead, the expectations of the jobs that would be required of him, and hearing that he still wanted to do it, they laid down a series of conditions that he had to meet to do the trip.
He met them all (with some help from his dad and me for things like legal papers), and now he's on the boat.
It was the right thing to do. I'm certain of it. He's where he's supposed to be, and it's going to be an amazing education for him. Maybe it will even steer what he's going to do with his life. But even if it doesn't, it will be an unforgettable step in his own coming-of-age story. Abby's accident made me falter and second-guess myself... but now I'm totally at peace with where he's at, and with my part in getting him there.
Yes, it's risky. Most of the really cool and interesting things we do carry risk, and some more than others. But I've seen him grow into his huge body... he has a grace and ability that really makes me question whether he's my own kid. He learns physical skills with alacrity and precision, and he has a lot of strength that he knows how to control. He's got a dose of teen bravado, but it masks a cautious and intelligent person underneath. He will be able to handle this, and I have faith that he is going to handle it very well.
He's in the right place, for the right reasons. Only Abby and her parents, and Jessica's mother, can honestly answer for their own decisions and actions... I'm certainly in no position to judge them. But I have seen my own kids' eyes light up with possibilities and excitement; I've watched them each rise to meet the challenges of chasing those dreams.
It's a tremendously joyful feeling, knowing that I was able to act as a catalyst in realizing their goals. And that joy, honestly, is the single best indicator to me that we are, indeed, on the right path.
I took him to the airport last night, and sniffled all the way home. He's grown so fast and so much in these last couple of years, but I still remember the sweet little boy who would snuggle in my lap for stories. Now he's off on his own big adventure. Then it occurred to me... I helped make this happen.
There have been a few times in my mothering career where I've just really moved hard and fast to take advantage of an opportunity for my kids. I heard about something and immediately I saw, in my heart, that it was something that kid NEEDED to be doing, and it was my job to facilitate it. It didn't happen too often... as a rule, my philosophy of homeschooling is more "get out of their way"... but when it did, I worked quick. And Clay's trip to Baja was one of those times.
Up until last week, I was feeling that this was going to be a Great Summer Adventure for him. Then... I read about Abby Sunderland, the 16-year-old girl who was circumnavigating solo, who was rescued after a day after setting off her distress signals. I wondered if we were going to see another Jessica Dubroff-style media frenzy (Jessica was a seven-year-old homeschooler attempting a cross-country tour who died when the plane she was piloting crashed... her teacher was blamed for pushing the take-off in bad weather to meet media pressure), but Abby was at least found alive, thank goodness. It turns out that Abby's parents had ties to some reality show deal, which brings up questions about her (and her parents') motivations, and the price of our culture's insatiable appetite for vicarious experiences.
On the one hand, I firmly believe that age shouldn't be a barrier to adventure and achievement. If a person has the ability and resources to attempt to reach a goal, then more power to them. But there is a widespread public perception of these kids being pushed by their parents (and, in Jessica's case, her teacher) and the media to go beyond their abilities in order to become the youngest pilot or sailor or whatever... and homeschoolers in particular are sometimes accused of a desire to push their kids to reflect well on the parents' commitment to alternative education; perhaps not as insidious a charge, but still a disturbing thought.
While I certainly don't think Clay will be in terrible danger, there's no denying that he is going to be cutting his nautical teeth on a pretty big project. All three crew members will be totally dependent on each other for their lives out there, and I'm trusting that he's got the maturity and ability to be responsible not only for himself, but for my friends and their beautiful boat. This isn't some tame sailing class out in Bodega Bay... he's doing the Baja Bash, a 750-mile "uphill" run notorious for rough water and difficult sailing.
I started to wonder about my own motivations here. Am I pushing Clay into something over his head, for bragging purposes, to show off what a great homeschooling family we are? But after I sat down with it for a while... I have to honestly answer, "no." I myself know next to nothing about sailing, and my two friends are serious pros. Not only are they both long-time sailors with great records, they both have long prior careers that were also very disciplined and safety-oriented (she was career military overseas, he was a commercial airline pilot). They posted to FaceBook about looking for a third crewmember for this leg of their trip, and I suggested the idea to Clay (who has always loved being in water in all forms)... he immediately jumped at it. When I broached the idea with my friends, however, they were both initially mildly negative about the idea, which was entirely understandable, what with him being so inexperienced. But after asking a lot of questions, and being very honest with Clay about what the trip was going to be like, the probable hardships ahead, the expectations of the jobs that would be required of him, and hearing that he still wanted to do it, they laid down a series of conditions that he had to meet to do the trip.
He met them all (with some help from his dad and me for things like legal papers), and now he's on the boat.
It was the right thing to do. I'm certain of it. He's where he's supposed to be, and it's going to be an amazing education for him. Maybe it will even steer what he's going to do with his life. But even if it doesn't, it will be an unforgettable step in his own coming-of-age story. Abby's accident made me falter and second-guess myself... but now I'm totally at peace with where he's at, and with my part in getting him there.
Yes, it's risky. Most of the really cool and interesting things we do carry risk, and some more than others. But I've seen him grow into his huge body... he has a grace and ability that really makes me question whether he's my own kid. He learns physical skills with alacrity and precision, and he has a lot of strength that he knows how to control. He's got a dose of teen bravado, but it masks a cautious and intelligent person underneath. He will be able to handle this, and I have faith that he is going to handle it very well.
He's in the right place, for the right reasons. Only Abby and her parents, and Jessica's mother, can honestly answer for their own decisions and actions... I'm certainly in no position to judge them. But I have seen my own kids' eyes light up with possibilities and excitement; I've watched them each rise to meet the challenges of chasing those dreams.
It's a tremendously joyful feeling, knowing that I was able to act as a catalyst in realizing their goals. And that joy, honestly, is the single best indicator to me that we are, indeed, on the right path.
a parents gotta do...
Date: 2010-06-15 02:59 pm (UTC)On the other I feel such a closeness to your decision to give your kids the room to grow as people and learn to navigate the world based on their needs and strengths.
From up close or far away, I applaud your work. Nicely done, Mom.
Ginny Buccelli
http://visceralmusings.blogspot.com/
Re: a parents gotta do...
Date: 2010-06-15 07:04 pm (UTC)One thing I learned is that we are all doing the best we can with what we've got... our resources, information sources, and community support all change and grow with time, and we can't beat ourselves up for our mistakes. We learn, we grow, we move on.
I've added your blog to my reader, thanks for the link!