Release, release, release

[mamagotcha]

It's a floor loom, at least 60 years old, that was in my midwife's barn. It was given to her by the son of the first Native American professor at UC Davis (she taught home ec)... her three sons married women who didn't want to weave, and it had been taken apart and stored when she died. After one of the sons had a homebirth with Tosi, he offered it to her as partial payment for her services, and it lived in her barn for years. It caught the sleeve of my sweater as I helped her dig out her Christmas decorations, and she laughed and said it wanted to live with me since I was a braider. I said, sure, I'd love to learn to weave.

I've carried it from house to house for about a decade, and while preparing for this move, I finally came to the realization that this loom needs to be used and loved, not just carried and wished over. So I put it on the local homeschooling list, and immediately got a response from one Jacey Boggs, a spinner and knitter who was feeling ready to make the leap to weaving.

It turns out she's kind of a fiber rockstar, someone who will restore and care for it far better than I ever could. She was totally in love with the loom even before she set eyes on it. Once she was here, it was perfectly clear to me that it's her loom... I was merely the loom's caretaker until it found her. She's going to document its restoration and her weaving journey on video, and maybe even weave something for me on it.

Of course, it's really sad and hard for me to let go of the dream of setting it up and learning to weave on it... it's got a lot to do with Tosi and Davis and my feelings of letting go of who I thought I was, and really nothing to do with actually learning to weave. If and when the time is right, I'll learn. In fact, I made her promise that if she ever got rid of it, to let me have first crack at it. So if it's meant to be, it will come back to me and I will someday get to weave on it (or maybe I'll go visit her and take it for a spin).

I WILL be visiting her before I leave... she's got a beautiful long-haired blond boy like Linc! And they hit it off just great, bonding over the Calvin & Hobbes books. And I want to see the loom's new habitat... certainly it will be more cheerful than the garages and barns it's been living in over the years.

So... while it's painful and hard to do the transitions, it's ultimately joyful seeing people delighted with my possessions. I need to keep remembering this as I release other things.

Comments

[ennienyc.livejournal.com]

What a nice story! It sounds like the loom is exactly where it should be.

[mh75.livejournal.com]

I still haven't reconciled who i think i am or should be with what i'm actually doing in life. Its a conflict for me. I don't know how to get past it.