I ain't no saint...
Feb. 29th, 2008 10:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mamagotcha...but I do keep good company. One of the very few (one of three) people from high school that I'm still in contact with, novelist/editor/momma Julia Park Tracey (Tongues of Angels), mentioned me in her blog the other day.
It made me all tingly and happy, not only to have the flattering mention (this blog is actually a book in progress, so I might even make the print edition), but that I got to be there with her on her birthday.
Seeing her kind description of me was a little startling. I want to be all those things, but I don't necessarily think of myself in those terms.
I learned a while ago that you gradually become who you admire... not so much the abstract Ghandi or Dalai Lama admiration (though this kind definitely has an impact on you), but rather the people you interact with on a day-to-day basis. We pick up mannerisms, music, stories, histories with these people, and they have a strong effect on how we see ourselves and ultimately, how others see us.
I say I learned this, but I've forgotten to consciously practice it. Being here in KC, the person I interact with the most (and certainly admire tremendously) is my own husband. There are of course wonderful things I admire and subsequently absorb from him (his wickedly black humor, his sense of curiosity and inquiry, his sheer delight in his son, his resourcefulness and creative problem-solving skills, his willingness to try new things), and I know being with him has made me a better person.
But I've got to polish some of my other facets. I haven't spent any time with other braiders, very little with doulas or midwives, none with writers or editors. I saw myself improve and grow and create when I hung out with braiders and birthworkers and wordcrafters in California. My connections here feel more shallow, weaker... possibly because I knew I was moving soon, and didn't let myself get close to people? I'm not sure.
I do connect with some writers via LJ, and I've been feeling the urge to start writing again well up in me. Several recent personal stories from some of my LJ friends (some who I've never met IRL) are stoking that urge. Does the admiration thing work for ether-based relationships? I don't know. Some writers I only read, like Neil Gaiman and Dan Savage and bearsir; they have no clue who I am and would never read my stuff, but I admire what they are doing and enjoy hearing of their adventures. Other writers have kindly friended me, and respond now and again to what I say... but I don't think either of us would consider our relationship intimate or especially close; still, having the interaction definitely brings their work, and their quirks, closer to my sphere of influence.
I've worked on seeking out mothers who parent in a similar fashion to me. I find much to admire among them... they are practicing parenting techniques that are roundly denounced in this part of the country, whereas where I first began all this homebirthing and homeschooling folderol, it was very nearly mainstream (or at least, much less criticized). These women have an uphill battle, have researched their choices and are informed up the wazoo; I see now that I had it easy and I can't say if I would have made the same choices, at least as quickly as I ultimately did, if I'd been here.
Most women my age have already finished up their childrearing, or at least the toddler portion of the program, so the vast majority of moms I know here are at least 10 years younger than me. So there's been a little bit of a generational and experiential gap between us. That's fine... but I haven't really sought other venues yet. So I've been volunteering here and there... Forks & Corks (Harvester's fundraiser), Chocolate Festival, Priests of Pallas ball, and now Union Station (I was at the opening day – today – of "Bodies Revealed," woohoo!).
Forks & Corks helped me connect a bit more in the foodie world of KC, as did the chocolate event. I saw some jugglers at the ball that I got to talk to a bit more at the juggling festival last weekend (getting our butts over to the festival was another good thing... we have hardly juggled at all here), but I don't see that we'll juggle together (they're way into the fire stuff). I haven't connected much with anyone yet at Union Station, but that's still getting off the ground.
I've been hired as a doula for one mama, and just interviewed with another. This feels good, although I wish I was more connected with other midwives and doulas here. There's one midwife in the attachment parenting group that I've kind of reached towards a few times, but she hasn't responded positively. My own midwife was from Lawrence, and as near as I can figure, there's no midwifery gathering or education or peer review going on (at least, none that I'd be welcome at).
We've tried a few puzzle- and game-oriented parties, but really haven't found people here who like that sort of thing. Finding like-minded folks in this realm would be terrific, but I'm getting the feeling it's going to be as difficult as finding jugglers. What is it about puzzles and juggling that draws people away from the midwest and towards the coasts? This is also where lots of education and research are being done... perhaps jugglers and puzzlers and teachers and scientists are in some symbiotic system that just wilts in the Bible Belt?
And writing. I've gotta get started writing again. I tease myself into thinking I might have a book or two in me, and I'd definitely like to take a stab at fiction writing. But I've just gotta DO the writing. My biggest distraction is the 'Net. I've bought some stationery, and I'm going to do some handwritten letters... if I go analog for a while, maybe digital won't be so tempting (cheesepuppet, I know I already owe you some writin'... if anyone else out there for some strange reason has a burning desire to get a real live letter in the mail, comment and I'll do what I can).
There's a Monday yoga group I'd like to start visiting, but it's the opposite direction from Clay's gymnastics and I have no LincCare. Maybe yoga is going to have to wait a while. I also need to get back to the Y... that's stalled since I got back from California. I haven't gained anything and I don't expect to lose, either, but just moving and getting my heartrate up some couldn't hurt the ol' cardio system any.
So... I've got birthing, mothering, and volunteering in my life. I'm working on adding juggling, writing and walking. Braiding, yoga, puzzles, and games are going to have to wait until we're in a more hospitable place. I'm doing some other things - gardening, knitting, cooking – on kind of a half-assed basis... not really striving for improvement or looking for inspiration, but not really quitting them, either.
Sorry for all the naval-gazing. This stuff's been on my mind lately... it's been helpful, I think, to hammer it all out and see it like this.
It made me all tingly and happy, not only to have the flattering mention (this blog is actually a book in progress, so I might even make the print edition), but that I got to be there with her on her birthday.
Seeing her kind description of me was a little startling. I want to be all those things, but I don't necessarily think of myself in those terms.
I learned a while ago that you gradually become who you admire... not so much the abstract Ghandi or Dalai Lama admiration (though this kind definitely has an impact on you), but rather the people you interact with on a day-to-day basis. We pick up mannerisms, music, stories, histories with these people, and they have a strong effect on how we see ourselves and ultimately, how others see us.
I say I learned this, but I've forgotten to consciously practice it. Being here in KC, the person I interact with the most (and certainly admire tremendously) is my own husband. There are of course wonderful things I admire and subsequently absorb from him (his wickedly black humor, his sense of curiosity and inquiry, his sheer delight in his son, his resourcefulness and creative problem-solving skills, his willingness to try new things), and I know being with him has made me a better person.
But I've got to polish some of my other facets. I haven't spent any time with other braiders, very little with doulas or midwives, none with writers or editors. I saw myself improve and grow and create when I hung out with braiders and birthworkers and wordcrafters in California. My connections here feel more shallow, weaker... possibly because I knew I was moving soon, and didn't let myself get close to people? I'm not sure.
I do connect with some writers via LJ, and I've been feeling the urge to start writing again well up in me. Several recent personal stories from some of my LJ friends (some who I've never met IRL) are stoking that urge. Does the admiration thing work for ether-based relationships? I don't know. Some writers I only read, like Neil Gaiman and Dan Savage and bearsir; they have no clue who I am and would never read my stuff, but I admire what they are doing and enjoy hearing of their adventures. Other writers have kindly friended me, and respond now and again to what I say... but I don't think either of us would consider our relationship intimate or especially close; still, having the interaction definitely brings their work, and their quirks, closer to my sphere of influence.
I've worked on seeking out mothers who parent in a similar fashion to me. I find much to admire among them... they are practicing parenting techniques that are roundly denounced in this part of the country, whereas where I first began all this homebirthing and homeschooling folderol, it was very nearly mainstream (or at least, much less criticized). These women have an uphill battle, have researched their choices and are informed up the wazoo; I see now that I had it easy and I can't say if I would have made the same choices, at least as quickly as I ultimately did, if I'd been here.
Most women my age have already finished up their childrearing, or at least the toddler portion of the program, so the vast majority of moms I know here are at least 10 years younger than me. So there's been a little bit of a generational and experiential gap between us. That's fine... but I haven't really sought other venues yet. So I've been volunteering here and there... Forks & Corks (Harvester's fundraiser), Chocolate Festival, Priests of Pallas ball, and now Union Station (I was at the opening day – today – of "Bodies Revealed," woohoo!).
Forks & Corks helped me connect a bit more in the foodie world of KC, as did the chocolate event. I saw some jugglers at the ball that I got to talk to a bit more at the juggling festival last weekend (getting our butts over to the festival was another good thing... we have hardly juggled at all here), but I don't see that we'll juggle together (they're way into the fire stuff). I haven't connected much with anyone yet at Union Station, but that's still getting off the ground.
I've been hired as a doula for one mama, and just interviewed with another. This feels good, although I wish I was more connected with other midwives and doulas here. There's one midwife in the attachment parenting group that I've kind of reached towards a few times, but she hasn't responded positively. My own midwife was from Lawrence, and as near as I can figure, there's no midwifery gathering or education or peer review going on (at least, none that I'd be welcome at).
We've tried a few puzzle- and game-oriented parties, but really haven't found people here who like that sort of thing. Finding like-minded folks in this realm would be terrific, but I'm getting the feeling it's going to be as difficult as finding jugglers. What is it about puzzles and juggling that draws people away from the midwest and towards the coasts? This is also where lots of education and research are being done... perhaps jugglers and puzzlers and teachers and scientists are in some symbiotic system that just wilts in the Bible Belt?
And writing. I've gotta get started writing again. I tease myself into thinking I might have a book or two in me, and I'd definitely like to take a stab at fiction writing. But I've just gotta DO the writing. My biggest distraction is the 'Net. I've bought some stationery, and I'm going to do some handwritten letters... if I go analog for a while, maybe digital won't be so tempting (cheesepuppet, I know I already owe you some writin'... if anyone else out there for some strange reason has a burning desire to get a real live letter in the mail, comment and I'll do what I can).
There's a Monday yoga group I'd like to start visiting, but it's the opposite direction from Clay's gymnastics and I have no LincCare. Maybe yoga is going to have to wait a while. I also need to get back to the Y... that's stalled since I got back from California. I haven't gained anything and I don't expect to lose, either, but just moving and getting my heartrate up some couldn't hurt the ol' cardio system any.
So... I've got birthing, mothering, and volunteering in my life. I'm working on adding juggling, writing and walking. Braiding, yoga, puzzles, and games are going to have to wait until we're in a more hospitable place. I'm doing some other things - gardening, knitting, cooking – on kind of a half-assed basis... not really striving for improvement or looking for inspiration, but not really quitting them, either.
Sorry for all the naval-gazing. This stuff's been on my mind lately... it's been helpful, I think, to hammer it all out and see it like this.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-02 05:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-03 01:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-03 03:05 pm (UTC)There are indeed problems clashing with nurses... a few of 'em really have it out for doulas. But all you have to do is ask for another nurse (if your client is down with it), and the problem usually goes away.
It's a hard truth (in birth, in medical care, in life) that the choices you make will affect your outcome, and you have to at some point accept responsibility for your own decisions. I don't take on clients who out-and-out blame others for their troubles... I can see the writin' on the wall, and I don't want to be the next in line.
I am astounded by the ambulance stories you write (and some of the others I've read since you led me to those groups). I can definitely see the draw, wanting to help people, but the way you're treated sometimes... well, I wouldn't last long, that's for sure. Thanks for your work on the ambulance... someday it might be me you're helping, and I'm trying to express gratitude ahead of time!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-03 04:49 pm (UTC)An elderly lady at the ACPT, though, got carted off by EMS(after a brief and feeble protest). David Kahn's crossword did it. At around the time puzzle #5 was over, she was face down on the table for a few minutes. Someone told me about it outside the ballroom; when I came back in, she was conscious, and internal medicine doctor Jenni Levy was assessing her. I hung around until the medics got there, not doing much other than agree out loud with the doctor that the lady should go even if she felt better now, being she had a thready pulse and no prior history of fainting spells.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-05 05:43 am (UTC)I suspect we might be of an age, as well. (I'm 44.)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-03-05 07:47 am (UTC)