Wow... you really listened to Armand's show. I never expected anyone reading my post to do so.
It's kind of tieing in, for me, with a book Eric recommended to me: Passionate Marriage. I'm still in the first 100 pages, and the emphasis so far is on being grounded in oneself ("differentiated") rather than dependent on the other person for validation, attention, etc. It's about not living in a fantasy state or with expectations that anyone else is going to make you happy. The author/marriage therapist asks his clients "What makes you think you should *not* have the problems you are having now?"
I liked when he addressed a woman who complained that when they visit her in-laws, her husband doesn't agree with her on how obnoxious they are and he shuts up and lets his father manage his life, which means he is weak. The therapist says "So you want him to stand up for himself?" She says, "I want him to be on my side." Therapist: "Well, if he's weak, then why do you want him on your side?"
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Date: 2005-11-15 04:27 am (UTC)It's kind of tieing in, for me, with a book Eric recommended to me: Passionate Marriage. I'm still in the first 100 pages, and the emphasis so far is on being grounded in oneself ("differentiated") rather than dependent on the other person for validation, attention, etc. It's about not living in a fantasy state or with expectations that anyone else is going to make you happy. The author/marriage therapist asks his clients "What makes you think you should *not* have the problems you are having now?"
I liked when he addressed a woman who complained that when they visit her in-laws, her husband doesn't agree with her on how obnoxious they are and he shuts up and lets his father manage his life, which means he is weak. The therapist says "So you want him to stand up for himself?" She says, "I want him to be on my side." Therapist: "Well, if he's weak, then why do you want him on your side?"
Man, growing up sucks the wad.