Your facts are true enough, but the writing is not clear, and that gets in the way. This isn't taking any issue with what you say, just giving you some writing-advice to help with clarity. I do this for a living you see (write stuff, and edit other peoples' stuff), and I find that clear writing helps lead to clear thinking.
One change would make a large difference. In your post, you say "They might have" and the last actual noun used was the babies in question. Pronouns always refer back to the last noun used, you see. But if you change "They" to "Those families", all become very clear.
Here, this is what I mean: Perhaps not, but they might be the children of such families. Those families might have, at one point, been lumped in ...
Do you see what I mean? It makes it clearer who's under discussion - which is really the parents of the children, for the rest of your comment.
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Date: 2007-12-16 08:26 pm (UTC)One change would make a large difference. In your post, you say "They might have" and the last actual noun used was the babies in question. Pronouns always refer back to the last noun used, you see. But if you change "They" to "Those families", all become very clear.
Here, this is what I mean:
Perhaps not, but they might be the children of such families. Those families might have, at one point, been lumped in ...
Do you see what I mean? It makes it clearer who's under discussion - which is really the parents of the children, for the rest of your comment.