mamagotcha (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mamagotcha) wrote2008-04-23 12:37 am
mamagotcha) wrote2008-04-23 12:37 am
Entry tags:
Of boobs and branches
I've been reading everyone's take on that open source boob thing, and really didn't feel I had anything to offer to the dialogue. I mean, I didn't have any personal experience to relate to: it is extremely unlikely that I'd ever be affected by the game one way or another, since so far my boobs haven't gotten much public attention other than as udders (I'm an obese woman with a B cup... Mother Nature is indeed a bitch sometimes). Secondly, after you've nursed four kids and flashed seventeen states, well, the idea that anyone is still fascinated by breasts is just startling.
But lying in bed tonight, I did get a little flash. I think that the reason I instantly took a dislike to the "game" idea was the same reason that I really, really, REALLY hate a couple of "classic" children's books: "The Giving Tree" and "The Rainbow Fish" (The tree gave and gave to someone who didn't acknowledge her generosity or receive mutual gifts, and it kills her. The fish didn't give to those who asked, and eventually was pressured to share, again receiving nothing, and it lost everything).
The sharing of yourself... we have a pretty good program that came built-in to help us communicate effectively with the rest of the species. It's progressive, it's mutual, and there are universal languages and cues for each level. We begin a connection with the longest bridges, speech and visual contact; and then, eventually, based on simultaneously earned trust and respect, consensually progress to the shorter link of tactile contact. The gall of someone wanting an easy way to short-circuit that elegant and useful system just to get a thrill... that's the same hubris the little boy had demanding all the tree's apples. And of the other fish demanding the rainbow scales. Amplify it a few hundred times, and I the thing I start seeing looks an awful lot like a rapist.
I don't read those books to my kids. I know we can teach about unconditional love and selfless generosity (the supposed virtues of those books) by modeling them.
We celebrate our unique selves instead of conformity; we allow them to have autonomy over their own bodies instead of forcing our decisions upon them; we encourage gratitude instead of expectation; we respect boundaries they set.
And we don't read books (or play games) that don't reflect and support those values.
But lying in bed tonight, I did get a little flash. I think that the reason I instantly took a dislike to the "game" idea was the same reason that I really, really, REALLY hate a couple of "classic" children's books: "The Giving Tree" and "The Rainbow Fish" (The tree gave and gave to someone who didn't acknowledge her generosity or receive mutual gifts, and it kills her. The fish didn't give to those who asked, and eventually was pressured to share, again receiving nothing, and it lost everything).
The sharing of yourself... we have a pretty good program that came built-in to help us communicate effectively with the rest of the species. It's progressive, it's mutual, and there are universal languages and cues for each level. We begin a connection with the longest bridges, speech and visual contact; and then, eventually, based on simultaneously earned trust and respect, consensually progress to the shorter link of tactile contact. The gall of someone wanting an easy way to short-circuit that elegant and useful system just to get a thrill... that's the same hubris the little boy had demanding all the tree's apples. And of the other fish demanding the rainbow scales. Amplify it a few hundred times, and I the thing I start seeing looks an awful lot like a rapist.
I don't read those books to my kids. I know we can teach about unconditional love and selfless generosity (the supposed virtues of those books) by modeling them.
We celebrate our unique selves instead of conformity; we allow them to have autonomy over their own bodies instead of forcing our decisions upon them; we encourage gratitude instead of expectation; we respect boundaries they set.
And we don't read books (or play games) that don't reflect and support those values.
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BTW, remind me to tell you a boob access story in person next week! (Is this 'titillation' or what!?)
no subject