Of boobs and branches

[mamagotcha]

I've been reading everyone's take on that open source boob thing, and really didn't feel I had anything to offer to the dialogue. I mean, I didn't have any personal experience to relate to: it is extremely unlikely that I'd ever be affected by the game one way or another, since so far my boobs haven't gotten much public attention other than as udders (I'm an obese woman with a B cup... Mother Nature is indeed a bitch sometimes). Secondly, after you've nursed four kids and flashed seventeen states, well, the idea that anyone is still fascinated by breasts is just startling.

But lying in bed tonight, I did get a little flash. I think that the reason I instantly took a dislike to the "game" idea was the same reason that I really, really, REALLY hate a couple of "classic" children's books: "The Giving Tree" and "The Rainbow Fish" (The tree gave and gave to someone who didn't acknowledge her generosity or receive mutual gifts, and it kills her. The fish didn't give to those who asked, and eventually was pressured to share, again receiving nothing, and it lost everything).

The sharing of yourself... we have a pretty good program that came built-in to help us communicate effectively with the rest of the species. It's progressive, it's mutual, and there are universal languages and cues for each level. We begin a connection with the longest bridges, speech and visual contact; and then, eventually, based on simultaneously earned trust and respect, consensually progress to the shorter link of tactile contact. The gall of someone wanting an easy way to short-circuit that elegant and useful system just to get a thrill... that's the same hubris the little boy had demanding all the tree's apples. And of the other fish demanding the rainbow scales. Amplify it a few hundred times, and I the thing I start seeing looks an awful lot like a rapist.

I don't read those books to my kids. I know we can teach about unconditional love and selfless generosity (the supposed virtues of those books) by modeling them.

We celebrate our unique selves instead of conformity; we allow them to have autonomy over their own bodies instead of forcing our decisions upon them; we encourage gratitude instead of expectation; we respect boundaries they set.

And we don't read books (or play games) that don't reflect and support those values.

Comments

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, I HATED The Giving Tree. Feh!

[dbang.livejournal.com]

I hate The Giving Tree too. But I have no idea what the boob thing is.

[dbang.livejournal.com]

Someone filled me in on the boob thing. Oy.

Open Source Boob Project

[paulaandandrew.livejournal.com]

I had to look this up, too.
According to the links I followed, at a con recently, some people were discussing what it would be like to just ask to touch other (clothed) people, mainly women, mainly breasts. Some people agreed, it expanded beyond the hallway where it originated. People were asked if they could be touched, they either agreed to declined. Apparently no one was pressured and all clothes remained on.

The Ferret (man on whose blog I found this info) said it was sexual but felt clean and beautiful, not 'dirty". He refers to it as the Open Source Boob project. Much of the asking was by women.

By a later con, red and green buttons were instituted, but not widely prevalent.

[mh75.livejournal.com]

While i appreciate the idea that sex shouldn't be so taboo in our society, this 'game' just came across as pretty juvenile to me. There is a thrill in asking for something forbidden, and i think the game was more fun for that reason than because it tore down walls. The project seemed to me to be a way to justify what was inappropriate behavior by elevating it to a social experiment.

I think a more mature way to express 'i think you are beautiful' to someone would be to say, 'I think you are beautiful', 'i like how your shirt compliments your body today', 'i love your hair, do you mind if i play with it?' In the end, part of the reason for the social convention of using these complements is that it gives people a chance to know each other and work towards intimacy. Part of the reason is that it is nice to recognize that someone is beautiful, and to tell them so, without necessarily wanting to jump their bones.

It also bothered me that this is all about boobs. I happen to like mine. But not everyone is all about boobs, and not all sexual contact is about boobs. Of course, asking something like, 'can i give you a massage' isn't so thrilling, because this is already an accepted practice for people who want physical contact but aren't close enough for sex.

*shrug*. I guess i'm with you, in the end, although i think its pretty harmless, too (they did emphasize the right to say no, afterall).

[paulaandandrew.livejournal.com]

I also resented the message in The Giving Tree. You worded my inarticulate response to the book eloquently.

BTW, remind me to tell you a boob access story in person next week! (Is this 'titillation' or what!?)

[mamagotcha.livejournal.com]

I can always count on you to go for the jugsular, woman!

[2006in2006.livejournal.com]

Hopefully this will work...





(This is really just an excuse to link to this thing I found.)

oops

[2006in2006.livejournal.com]

Last link is munged... was supposed to be this instead.

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

I never "got" The Giving Tree. I mean, I could follow the action, but WHY? I couldn't figure out the "why".

Much the same as my reaction to The Red Balloon. Which I feel like I had to watch 15 times a year in my early schooling. What *was* that thing about? And why were we supposed to enjoy it? Were we supposed to learn that French children are very odd and nihilistic?