What wonderful friends you have! They're really supportive--plus they *know* stuff. Nice combination. I'll just add my own "I hear you" and "Hang in there" and a double dose of "Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself" to all the great things they're telling you. You have, indeed, had a *very* hard year, and if you can deal with your many stresses better by taking Paxil and/or Provigil, and if their side effects and long-term effects(which you seem to have informed yourself about)aren't deal-breakers, well, then, I can't think why you should feel any pangs about taking them, even if they are a little pricey right now.

On a side note, I'm really glad you write about things like this, because you're a great mirror for me--your issues are often so similar to mine. And it's always so clear and easy to tell you that you deserve the best, which makes it suddenly seem sensible and helpful to tell myself that too. Thank you for that.